"You can't house break a cow!"
"Sure you can! If you can house break this silly dog you can house train anything!"
"When I finish this game [she was playing mahjong] I'm gonna look this up, I bet you can't do it."
I love the internets. Love. Google pointed her in just the right direction here.
What's really amazing is the site's author describes Kipper to a P. Just substitute the word "Cow" with the word "Kipper":
Cows love you. They are harmless, they look nice, they don't need a box to crap
in, they keep the grass down and they are so trusting and stupid that you cannot
but lose your heart to them. They will listen to your problems and never ask a
thing in return. They will be your friend forever. And when get tired of them,
you can kill them and eat them. Perfect.
Except for the killing and eating part. Kipper does his share of digging
holes in the grass, doesn't need a litter box and is trusting and stupid.
He listens to our problems and can keep a secret.
I was terribly intrigued by this idea of the Yard Cow becoming a House Cow and so further research revealed that the trick to house breaking a cow is to have your cat demonstrate how to use a litter box a few times so the cat trains the cow. Simple!
But not so simple at my house because we aren't cat people. Which is an understatement as to the depth of emotions I have about cats as an effort to keep the Cat People hate mail out of my email account. But yeah, truth told. I hate cats.
So much so I will have to put down my dream of a House Cow and move on to something else. Like a House Goat.