Monday, March 29, 2010

"Not On Fire"

Yeah, it’s me again. I received an email from Dad this morning and he claims I picked out my second car, the yellow Sunbird, I however have no memory of doing this. Mind you, it was a great car and pretty darn fast. Not that I ever EVER drove it faster than 70 on the highway…now the old runways at a deserted airport…He also denies ANY INPUT on the first car I actually bought for myself. Um...sure Dad, whatever you say... (See yesterday’s pontification about memory and history).

Getting his email this morning while I was wallowing around in self-bity because I tried to take Wally clear across town for a cattle call interview for a job that is actually within walking distance of our home but no one at the golf course fifteen miles away knew what was going on…so it was a useless trip and he was understandably frustrated. My email to Dad looked like some sort of: “poor me…blah blah…poor me.” And after I hit send I realized I hadn’t bothered with my gratitude journal this morning because I woke up after a short and almost sleepless night of IBS (good times, I gotta tell ya!) symptoms the only thing I could think to say was something my dear and funny and sweet friend Kevin is wont to say when things are going too wrong too fast and he is looking for a positive:

“I’m not currently on fire.”

That was about it for me this morning, too. I wasn’t on fire. Yet. But give the universe a chance and I’m pretty sure I would self-combust any minute.

But by the time I sat down to write this blog I came up with a big ole’ list of short term things I’m grateful for.
The Beav got up for school, the first day after spring break without comment or problem.
The sun was up for our commute at 0645.
I heard a great song that pretty much sums up my relationship with God.

I’ve been living out of sanity
I’ve been splitting hairs and
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my

use one hand to pull closer
The other to push you away
I had two
hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high

have a broken
I’m a liar who thirsts for the
while I ache for
faith to hold me
I need to feel the
scars and see the

And if
we just keep digging we can reach
the foundation
our souls
And if we
just keep cutting all the
chains from our hearts
We’ll lose control

And it feels like giving
It feels like
starting over
It feels
like waking up, and you
know it’s coming
feels like a brand new day

I could do without feeling the scars…and I’m a control freak.

Wally’s frustration drove me to the basement and I was sewing and muttered an Anne LaMott style “beggy prayer” that something wonderful would happen to him. A few minutes later his sweet friend, J came over. He told The Girl: “I heard about Wally’s accident and he has driven me all over the place so I borrowed my sister’s car and I’m here to see if he needs to go anywhere.” (Chokes me up just typing about this) Wally told me later he was really surprised J just showed up like that. I wasn’t because I knew the second I heard the knock on the door it was a gift.
Wally made it to the cattle call interview and it went well.
Wally, me and Beav had a great time driving home from school; we laughed all the way home.
Buddy was waiting for one of us to let him in our house when Wally came back from his interview. Buddy is like family and Kipper hasn’t been feeling well but brightened and played a little before going taking another nap.
TG’s vision continues to improve after her lasik surgery Saturday.
We are actively planning our trip to Cambodia and are separately devising itineraries and next week we will put them both together.
I’m grateful one of my decisions I need to make is whether or not I’m going to the Gulf of Thailand or not.
I heard from an old friend (the other EdgyJuneCleaver in Fort Worth Texas) and despite the unspeakable and sudden death of her beautiful twenty-four year old daughter she had time to write me a thank you not and give me a hug across the internets.
I also heard from my friend with stage 3 colon cancer and his spirits are good.
One of my new virtual friends has met someone and is in the beginnings of a romantic relationship and is very happy.
Another virtual friend after six months of unemployment in the high tech sector has a promising job interview this week.
The Girl made some awesome brats for dinner tonight.
Baylor women beat Notre Dame (ok, that was yesterday but Yay! Baptists! Smacking‘ down the Papists!)
I have hyacinth buds, they are green and will need to be protected from our next freeze but they are there.
It’s supposed to be 78 degrees tomorrow and Wally is looking forward to working outside in the yard with me.
But the best thing: It’s after seven pm in my world and the sun is still up and won’t be gone for at least thirty-minutes.
And Baylor beat Duke!

image found here

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