Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Pebble In Pebble Out

I've borrowed a fable from the ancient Greek writer Aesop to create a parable you can use in the coming weeks. Once upon a time there was a very thirsty crow. Rain hadn't fallen in a long time, and the creek from which she'd always drunk had dried up. Searching and searching for a bit of moisture, the crow finally happened upon a tree under which sat a ceramic pitcher with some water in it. But the pitcher's neck was narrow, and the crow couldn't fit her beak past it to reach the water. Inspired by desperation, the crow at last got an idea. Why not drop small rocks into the pitcher, making the water's level rise? And that's exactly what she did. How sweet it was when at last she quenched her thirst.

This is becoming a theme isn't it? I swear this is the last time I'll use my horoscope to spin a short essay. But this week's is intriguing. . . Last week, Rob didn't intrigue me but made me scratch my head with this gem of a horoscope. I spent a little time this past week contemplating this fable and what it meant. It wasn't until tonight I realized in a sickening a ha moment how this fable applies to my life.

I think I'm trying to quench my thirst after an arduous ten months worth of life. Most of the time I can prop myself up but frankly it's getting harder and harder. So much has happened and changed in my life over the last 300 plus days. I've experienced a great deal of loss and the people who seem the most blind to it are those closest to me. I've lost my mother, 10% of my income, my son is leaving home and he is estranged from his father; my other son is worried he will be his stepmother's next victim; I am estranged from my sister after the toxic waste that is our relationship escaped from it's safe container I keep buried deep inside; my dog is dying; and my partner has such pain in her right shoulder and arm she can not raise it over her head and it has rendered her sleepless and unable to do much around the house (something immensely more frustrating for her. It just annoys me when other shit is on my plate). The icing on the cake is of course when I'm not at home taking care of people; I'm at work taking care of people.

Is it any wonder I went to the gym tonight (while Beav was at Parkour) and managed to work out all of twenty minutes before I decided the better idea was sitting in my car; crying and eating a 700 calorie snack? I suppose this is better than finding a liquor store and drinking in the parking lot. While the image of doing this gives me the shivers don't think for a minute it didn't occur to me.

It's a good thing I had a "refreshing" break from reality because it didn't sting so much when I returned to a messy kitchen and clean laundry lounging around the family room.
Good thing I have more pebbles.
One edit at 0835 the next day: My problems aren't HUGE life changing problems like having cancer or a chronic illness or a loved one with either of this issues. So maybe I have an extremely low threshold for giving and a low tolerance for drama and upheaval. And maybe I can't continue to give and give and give because ultimately I'm selfish. If this is the case then I guess I'm getting what I deserve.

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