Dithering

Color me pissy today. Hormones maybe? A safe guess given I burst into tears when I saw a bald woman outside the middle school today. She was younger than myself and no doubt a chemo patient. Crying did help burn off some of my frustration but seeing her made me ashamed because the biggest reason I’m pissy today is I didn’t accomplish a single thing on my “to-do” list. I’m pretty sure this woman doesn’t give a shit about her to-do list and would trade places with me. On top of the horror of not accomplishing Important Tasks, I had to cook dinner and I hate to cook. I’m a terrible every day cook, give me a dinner party or holiday to cook for and I will rock a recipe. I can make beautiful food but just not on days that aren’t special. Like most Wednesdays. On top of all of this, I had to wait on Beaver after school and rather than just sitting in the parking lot I visited my crack dealer (insert Michaels link here) to pick up a few things I couldn’t live without.
Once I get there, I sort of stumble around the busy Halloween and Christmas displays. “Oh! Shiny! Look ornaments! Pretty! . . .Why am I here?” I forgot what I needed. My errand served as beautiful illustration of how my day had been going. I was supposed to get up early, walk the dog, do my laundry and go to Pilates and none of things happened. I also had great plans to finish a painting and start a massive music download for a special mix CD. Didn’t happen. So what did I do? I dithered around with images to use as transfers on shirts. But I didn’t actually do the transfers onto fabric because moving the iron and ironing board to the studio felt Herculean. I opted for sitting on my ass in front of the computer and HGTV messing around with images.

My Disregard the Body Karma came up and bit my wobbly dimpled ass this afternoon when I tried to upload a photoshopped image to flickr for this mixed media challenge. (link here). I swear my computer is possessed with gremlins playing “Hide The File“. My guess is a nine year old would have figured out where the file is because I’m all Short Bus all the way when it comes to software. I never did outsmart the Photoshop and Vista gremlins, rather I had to make a copy the appropriate size and then scan that down into a special desktop folder designated “Collage” blatantly displayed on my desktop. Given this frustration, I think my silent meltdown was appropriate when I arrived at the middle school in my gym clothes (too lazy to change) and received the: “mom-I-have-to-do-a-project-with-Tanner phone call” exactly thirty seconds after I had just made my ten mile commute.
I wanted to scream at myself for leaving the house in gym clothes, Sure I could make good use of the time and run an errand but I was in flippin’ gym clothes! I’m a Texas Girl and we don’t do anywhere in gym clothes except a jogging path and the gym. Ok, I might go to the emergency room but somebody better be Exsanguinated
I confess, once upon a time I routinely took the children to school in my robe and nightgown but this was when I lived exactly six tenths of a mile from the school. (One of my favorite people on the planet does this but she tops the robe with a beautiful scarf and makes sure she has on lipstick. I was fooled for about a decade.) Anyhow, I’m sitting in the school parking lot fuming at my kid for having the audacity of being so responsible and doing HOMEWORK after school. (It’s all so ridiculous , isn’t it?) when it occurred to me to just go to the crack dealer’s, gym clothes be damned. And so I went only to be distracted and daunted by Christmas to the point of forgetting my gold paint.
Despite my terrible attitude, everything turned out well, no one fainted at the sight of me in my stretch pants and tee-shirt; five o’clock traffic was forgiving and I cooked without whining (out loud at least).
Meanwhile, Dinner wasn’t a complete disaster and I ended up making chili out of various bits of leftovers in the ‘frig. Recently, The Girl kindly asked me to never make Sloppy Joes again. I had relied on them too many times and burnt her out. (all Klassy all the time at Chez Cleaver!) So what do we have in the ‘frig among the leftovers? Sloppy Joes and I think I did a fine job of disguising them with Other Stuff when I composed my chili. I even hit a sort of Zen space where I forgot how much I hate everyday cooking and sautéed onions in tarantella salsa and beer which added a nice kick to my Whore’s Chili.
So now that dinner is made and the dishes are washed and everyone is home; I’m feeling a little lighter. Almost ebullient. My weekly housewifery chores were done yesterday and I have one more day away from the hospital and yes, I have big plans:
Up early for a ass kicking class at the gym
Walk the dog after the boys leave for school
Meet Ms. A for a gallery tour at ten
Begin Christmas projects
Make dinner.
Dinner! Argh!